On rainbow t-shirts and colleagues

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Shopping for pride t-shirts is non-trivial. Few pride t-shirts look halfway decent, and few t-shirts look good on my big man-shoulders. Imagine my delight when I found this pretty one at the Human Rights Campaign shop in San Francisco. I bought it back when I was a student a year ago, and I have been wearing it regularly ever since.

The simple student life is in the past. These days I am a PhD student, and I periodically visit conferences and workshops in various countries. One important part of these activities is to meet people and develop a professional network. I wonder, is it appropriate to wear a pride t-shirt to a conference?

On the one hand, I might not want to come out to colleagues I meet for the first time. Moreover, it might be seen as an overt political statement in an otherwise apolitical environment.

On the other hand, my field could use more queer visibility, and, most importantly, deliberately not wearing my pride shirt is also a political statement. Not an identifiably visible one, but a political statement nonetheless.

It is misguided to think anything can be apolitical. Everything is either overtly political or political by omission. The only choice is, whose politics will I adhere to? I proudly choose my own.

Abstinence-only education criticism as general template

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TW: self-harm, suicide, substance abuse

Context: In conservative regions in the US, there is a thing called abstinence-only sex education. People believe that you can tell teenagers “Don’t have sex before marriage” and that that will protect them from STI’s and unwanted pregnancy. Leftist people point to research that shows this is ineffective, and it is much better to tell kids how to have sex safely. I have not looked at the research so I will not link it.

If you squint, you can see how abstinence-only education is used for other things as well. It makes me wonder whether the same criticism would transfer.


One area to which it might transfer is self-harm. Everybody says you should not self-harm. In many psychiatric hospitals, you may temporarily lose privileges (being allowed to watch tv or to go outside) if the staff thinks you have self-harmed while there.

If you search online for “self-harm tips”, the first result is a wordy self-righteous “Don’t do that“. I used to find this really really frustrating. Same goes for online self-harm communities: they mostly forbid giving instructions and such.  Positively helpful stuff gets silenced, like when Reddit banned /r/selfharmpics. Ironically, that sub used to help me get my thoughts away from harming myself by living it vicariously through others.

Here is a link to some good self-harm tips and advice. Though I can think of a dozen other pieces of information that could help a lot of people. Examples include:

  • Hiding scars: What parts of the body scar the least? What body parts are least visible in common positions?
  • Preventing scarring: How much do anti-scarring creams really help? Do cuts with sharp or dull blades make for less visible scars?
  • Safely climbing the hedonic treadmill: a list of body parts sorted by sensitivity to pain would help people to safely get more painful wounds without cutting deeper.
  • What is a good place to cut when you are just starting out?

Some of these things you can maybe find online if you know the academic jargon, but that won’t help most self-harming persons.


I have no idea if the abstinence-only criticism would meaningfully transfer to suicide. But at least this area does have educational resources provided by helpful individuals, like http://lostallhope.com/. I never found this website before I started researching for this post, but it might not have had much PageRank credit back when I was looking for these things. [Also santioned-suicide.com]


This is an obvious case where the abstinence-only education criticism directly transfers. Some substances are way worse for your health than others, so it would be good if people knew which those are, even if one would also recommend to not do them at all.

My high school actually did this. They were pretty backwards in many respects, but here, they were on point. We got a guest lesson by a cool lady who had tried all kinds of drugs. She told us about various kinds of drugs and what they do, and we got to ask all kinds of questions. I mostly remember her warning that heroin is super addictive, like, a single use and you’re addicted. That was a great lesson, and exactly the sort of thing I want to see on more issues.

Delayed WordPress RSS feed

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In the category “2-minute hacks for skilled people, 30-minute hacks for me because I can’t code for shit”, let’s replay an old RSS feed. Useful if you want to read the old posts on a blog but don’t want to do it all at once.

This way, you can relive the past of your favourite WordPress blogs. Requires a server with php installation and a feed reader that updates at least once per day. I’ve got a Raspberry Pi 3B running selfoss.

We’ll be using a fancy feature of Wordpess, namely that https://example.com/yyyy/mm/dd/feed gives the RSS feed with posts from that day interval. Actually every public-facing WordPress page can be appended with /feed to produce something meaningful. It will not be a truly faithful replay of old posts, because if posts get edited or deleted we won’t get to see the original post.

With this knowledge in mind, create a php file

$ touch public/delay.php
$ chmod 755 public/delay.php

and fill it with the following code

$url = htmlspecialchars($_GET['url']);
$years = floatval($_GET['years']);
$months = floatval($_GET['months']);
$days = floatval($_GET['days']);

// calculate the time stamp of some day in the past
// (we subtract a fixed amount of seconds so that we dont
// run into issues with how many days a month has and
// because I am not good enough at coding to handle this
// the right way.)
$months_delayed = $months + 12 * $years;
$days_delayed = $days + 30 * $months_delayed;
$moment = time() - intval(60 * 60 * 24 * $days_delayed);

// redirect to the RSS file with posts from that day
header('Location: ' . $url . '/' . date('Y/m/d', $moment) . '/feed', 303);

Requesting the page http://example.org/delay.php?url=https://bethzero.com/feed&months=1 will redirect you to an RSS file containing all posts made exactly 30 days ago. Because we’re using a temporary 303 redirect, the page that you get redirected to changes every day. If your feed reader updates every day, you should get to see every post.

One small issue happens if a day has more blog posts than can appear in the RSS feed (default is 10 in WordPress). In that case, you might miss out on the oldest posts of the day.

Heteronormativity in STEM

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There are abysmally few women in mathematics. I had taken 35 math and CS courses in my bachelor’s and master’s before I first had a woman lecturer. It makes me feel demoralised and alienated. I feel lonely when I see that nobody in my field looks like me, which makes me doubt whether research is the career for me, no matter how happy I feel when I’m working.

There are efforts to make STEM more inclusive to women. In the long run, those hopefully help to improve the gender balance in these fields. But they also help in the short term, as an occasion to meet other women in different areas who are in the same situation. Bonding over sexism is an excellent way to stave off loneliness.

Meetings on women in STEM do leave me emotionally drained for another reason: they are drenched in heteronormativity. It’s all talk about how women are giving up their academic career or working part-time because they’ve got a husband and kids and their husband earns more money or whatever the cishets are worrying about these days.

Screenshot of https://twitter.com/HITStudies/status/1045645770001698816 Heidelberg Laureate Forum @HLForum tweeted ""Behind every succesful woman stands a strong man". Anna Wienhard credits her husband and mentions this as one of the success factors in her career. The crowd applauds. Just as important: mentors, determination, decision making. #HLF18" which got retweeted by dr. Wienhards institute HITS gGmbH @HITStudies who added "We fully proudly retweet this quote by @HITStudies group leader Anna Wienhard #HLF18 @HLForum"

It is frustrating on two levels. First off, it feels like people are saying that only straight women have a place in academia. They probably don’t explicitly mean it that way, but there is a message in their language, and it is not a friendly message. Secondly, if the straight cis women’s issues were the main issues, then why are nearly all cis women in STEM straight? If 10% of the people in the field are women, but only cis women in relationships with men were getting pushed out of STEM careers, then half of all women in STEM [w]ould be LGBTQI+. [But that is not the case.]